Hey… so, it’s been a little over a month or two since I’ve last written on this blog. It’s been a while. Though, I guess it doesn’t really matter because the only person that reads these entries are me lol. What a sad life.
Life has been pretty uneventful. For starters, I’ve started getting into Wattpad a lot, well, ever since I was young I’ve been reading books on Wattpad (since 2015) but only recently did I come across the forum part to it. I’ve made some friends there and it’s honestly really fun, though, once I got swept up into all of that I kind of lost that reader connection I had with Wattpad but I’m starting to get off the forums more and read a lot more nowadays. Well, today.
I’ve also kind of figured out what I want to do. The courses I want to do, that is. Once I get to University. I’m thinking a double degree with Law and Arts. By Arts, I don’t mean visual art like Vincent Van Gogh or whatever, I mean like International relations and political science. I know what you’re thinking. It’s nerdy, I know. But to get into the job I want to get into, those are the courses that set me up perfectly.
If you didn’t know already, I want to be part of the UN. The United Nations. It’s my ultimate dream. Well actually, I’m not sure it is. All I know is that I really want to help people; I’m really passionate about humanitarian work. Whenever there’s a discussion in my friend group, or a discussion anywhere, I’m talking.
But see, I haven’t looked into it as much as I would’ve liked to. I mean, sure, I really should but it’s so hard because I can’t just search up ‘What are good places to have humanitarian work’ because that’s way too broad. I’ve also gone to see my school’s career planning people and they’re no help whatsoever. So that’s that gone.
Oh well. I’ll see where my life takes me.
Also, recent revelation, I want to live in Hawaii. Well, to be fair, I want to live anywhere but Australia. For me, Australia has never been my home. Yes, I live here, but apart from my friends and my family, there’s nothing for me here. I’m not drawn to it. So, I used to want to live in New York. But then I’ve been to New York several times and it’s just too busy for me. Too hectic. I mean, the suburb’s are nice but I can see myself getting sick of it really quickly.
Why I want to live in Hawaii? Well, my answer is kind of invalid but it’s still an answer nonetheless. There’s a Youtube family channel called The Bucketlist Family and basically they travel EVERYWHERE but they finally settled down for a house in Hawaii. The view is just amazing, I’m telling you right now, if I woke up with that view every morning I would die a happy woman. I wouldn’t need anything else for me.
They live right in front of the ocean and it’s such a crystal blue. They’ve got palm trees and a nice green lawn in front of the ocean and a hammock. In their backyard video, it showed the sunset and oh my god, it was just beautiful. It was so beautiful. I can imagine me, my husband and my children living there in the future.
It’s my ‘goal’ home. The home that once I live in, once I see that stunning view of the ocean every morning, I’ll know that I made it. My life is complete. I’m happy.
But see, I’m not sure how Hawaii really is. I mean, sure, everyone knows Hawaii to be that laid back and chill place with tropical waters and trees. Lovely. But is that what it really is? It’s like when I went to Paris. I thought it would be a lot more beautiful than it was but it really wasn’t. The Eiffel tower wasn’t as cool in person, the buildings weren’t as cool in person and the streets weren’t as cool in person. It was kind of a disappointment I guess.
Maybe just because I’ve spent my whole life swooning over Paris. Swooning over the cafes, the Eiffel tower, the shops and boy, the baguettes. I dreamed about the fashion, the bouréts, everything like that. The Eiffel tower was everywhere for me. On my ruler, on some of my shirts, on my wall. But then once I actually got to Paris, it was like, oh. The sky’s actually grey, and honestly, it’s all kind of gloomy. The shops weren’t as cool as they looked in the pictures, the streets weren’t as pristine and clean as they were in pictures. The people weren’t as stylish as they were in the pictures. I love Paris though, don’t get me wrong. I can hardly even believe I’ve been to Paris. It just sounds so weird because I feel like Paris is such an iconic place that everyone wants to visit so once you’ve actually visited, it’s like, what now?
Anyways, that was just a bit of a rant. Moving on.
I’m in a bit of a shamble. See, I got an A+ on my English assignment last year but I feel like it wasn’t my work. I basically copied my essay with my friend from Grade 12 who got good marks on it and put it into my own words. And then the presentation was just an oral so it’s easy to get good marks. But my parents and everyone were so happy that I got an A+ because usually I’m not one to get the best marks and they told everyone. So now everyone in my family is in a bit of a high and congratulating me. It’s pressure.
It’s pressure that I didn’t want. Yes, I love the attention and applause they give me. But now, I’ve got to live up to it. I’ve got to maintain it. Or else, they’ll all be so disappointed. They’ll all be so dejected. I can’t have that; I don’t want to have that.
I’ll have to try hard. But I’m lazy. That’s the thing. I’m probably the biggest procrastinator in the world and I never do SHIT. I leave things to the last minute, regret it, tell myself I’ll be organised for the rest of my life, and from the next day, I’m back to my procrastinating antics. It’s bad, I know. But I don’t know how to fix it. I literally don’t know how to be organised.
Organisation has just never been one of my strong points. Never. It’s always been rushed for me, I don’t ever remember a time I’ve been organised. Really. I can’t even imagine myself being organised. It’s just physically impossible at this point.
Whatever, though. It doesn’t really bother me. I mean, it does, but I know that if I put in hard work I can fix it.
You know what though? I don’t know if I’ve ever done something and put 100% of my hard work in it. NEVER. Well, I don’t recall anyways. I’ve never put in 100% for any of my tests and assignments for school. There’s always some part of it that’s lacking because I kind of gave up.
That’s bad. That’s a really bad quality of mine. Giving up. If I can’t do it, if I don’t want to do it, if I have no motivation to do it, I won’t do it. I’ll give up. I’ll leave it and go pursue something else just to leave that too.
It’s just one big endless cycle for me. Picking something new, do it for a while, get bored of it, it soon becomes a chore more than a fun activity, then I drop it. You get the gist. Now imagine that, and times it by 10000000. What you get is me. That’s me.
Anyway, I’ve said a lot. Typing on the keyboard weirdly gets all my thoughts out. I don’t even remember what I said honestly. Once I start writing, I’m a goner. My brain flies at unimaginable speed and I just write what comes to my mind first. It’s good I’m a touch typer lol.
See you next time!